Friday, April 16, 2010

Goodbye, Fake Lion Country

Fake Lion Country (FLC) does it to you, especially if you sport some cockiness, wear your expat badge on the sleeve and have a talent to pick the real bananas* amongst the chronically psychopath-etic locals.

Loose Screws, in FLC, lived the expat life with more than usual exuberance and aplomb. In all the years he spent there, he would nary have spared a thought of going back in going back for good. He probably suspected that it would not be for good. There was this lurking fear in the corner of his brain that reminded him at the most inopportune moments that “good”, like in that famous movie, is the first part of a trilogy, a triplet, a triptych, well..whatever. The other two parts, he unwittingly suspected, would eventually unfold. It was always only a matter of time.

And one hot sweaty day in April, it was time.            

As a young lad growing up in shroom country, he had once taken the back door out, on one of those Sinterklaas arrival days. He was of course in no mood to meet with any dressed up Santa. He was there for a night of fun. Unfortunately for him, it was not to be. As he escaped from the back-door, all excited about the forthcoming activities, he had forgotten to cover himself in layers of warm clothing. And worse, as he stepp
ed out, half in indecision about going back to pick up a jacket, the backdoor closed on him – and got latched from the inside. Well, well..what choices did that leave him with? Go back in, from the front door, and endure the consequences. Or, continue in the cold of the night and..endure the consequences. The latter came with hope of reward while the former came with hope of lower risk. Strong headed as he was, he chose the latter. The anticipation of the evening was good. Getting out without warm clothes was bad. And here’s when his heart skipped a beat. What would come next? Let’s not digress too much (or ingress too much into the eminently forgettable experience he had), suffice to say that, what followed the good and the bad, was no different than in the movie title. The triplet had happened. Embarrassed, bruised and cold, not to mention defeated, he came back home..and well, endured the consequences.

Now in FLC for eons, for over the past year or so, LS had the triplet nightmares all over again. Sometimes, it would be about the excitement with which he would run out to grab a new business, followed by the cold shouldering and then, inevitably, the bozos in BeerDam would unceremoniously pull the plug, leaving him to clean up their mess. At other times, it would be about the good expat life. And then the thought of all things good coming to an end. Bad, but bearable. But the bad would end too..and too soon for him, for he would wake up with cold sweat at the thought of trying to figure out what came next.

He told himself that he'd cross the dyke when it comes to him. Yes, he would never want to get there himself. But if he would be left with no other options than go back to shroom country, he would do it. And as usual, with much ado. So, it was with his usual flamboyance, that LS bid farewell to a humongous crowd of psychopaths to board the Royal Airlines Corporation's long long flight back home.

An era of making real TVs in Fake Lion Country, had, most certainly, come to an end.

* Bananas being yellow on the outside and white on the inside, are the predominant species of FLC

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